You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
