That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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