im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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