Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
