you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
love makes seman taste better
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
