Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
