I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
