I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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