Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
