I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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