I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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