He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
