rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
