hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it glows. i had to have it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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