I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
