69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
