Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize