I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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