Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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