she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
