best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
