Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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