I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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