i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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