it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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