I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We named our party play list daddy issues
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She even gives head with a lisp.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
