Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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