Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
