do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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