Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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