I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
