if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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