bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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