Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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