i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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