the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
