My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
