My cat gives me a boner
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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