I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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