I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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