i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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