Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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