Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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