My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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