Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
