He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
