oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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