Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
