im six kinds of drunk right now
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
