what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
