Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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