im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
