I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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