I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
