I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize