Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
