Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
