thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
