he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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