she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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