its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize