The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
