Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
