do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
