I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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