I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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