Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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