Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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