Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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