No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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