so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
