420 ftw
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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