Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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