I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
