i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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