5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize