I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
