i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize