I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
