I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
