I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
