where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
