I cannot find my penis.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I supernannyed him into submission
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
