i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
