I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
