I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
