Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
