And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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