I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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