Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
