she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
