Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
