There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
