Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize