Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
