Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
